Home / Anxiety & Depression / How Traveling Spiked My Anxiety, Depression, & Depersonalization – Plus What I Did To Cope –

How Traveling Spiked My Anxiety, Depression, & Depersonalization – Plus What I Did To Cope –

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My name is Noah and on May 18 2011, I had a rare reaction to a vaccine called VIVITROL and consequently spiraled into a major, agitated, suicidal depression with depersonalization. I lost 25 lbs in 4 weeks and was in full panic or near panic for 8 weeks straight mixed with the darkest most painful depression I cold have ever imagined. I immediately could not work and had to move in with my parents who along with many siblings and friends had to watch me 24/7 as I was so suicidal. I was eventually hospitalized. Getting through each day seemed truly unbearable and I knew I would surely die. I have been put on many many different SSRI’s SNRI’s Tricyclics, Mood stabilizers, anti psychotics, holistic meds, acupuncture and even a form of shock therapy called RTMS. I barely saw any improvement in my condition for a full year. It was decided I had treatment resistant depression and I spent nearly every moment in tears. Weeks after starting my newest round of medications (Seroquel & Nortryptaline) as a last ditch effort, I had my blood drawn for possible hormone imbalances and my Testosterone levels came back 200 ng/Dl and 150 ng/Dl. The average 25 year old male has 750 ng/Dl. With this discovery I for the first time had any type of possible explanation as to why I was not getting better and why I might be so so sick. The symptoms of such Low T are very similar to those of major depression. I started Testosterone replacement therapy soon after and have been checking in with the world and documenting my experience with treatment as well as giving my insight and perspective on various topics of mental health. I am blessed to say that I have slowly, over the last 10 months, been improving and becoming more stable which I never thought to be possible. My low T manifested itself in the form of Major depression, anxiety, and depersonalization/ derealization for over a year. Gaining some mental stability back is nothing short of a miracle as I was near death for what felt like forever. I do not consider myself to be totally healed yet but I am closer now then ever before and aim to use what I have been through to help or at least offer support to others in need.

Music by: Casta -FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/castareid?ref=ts&fref=ts


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  1. Can you give some advice how to cope as a flight attendant of 12 years who has double depression, depersonalization, social anxiety, separation anxiety, binging, who is 40 with possibly adrenal fatigue and wants to leave it all sometimes because of the anxiety that comes with it for me as an empath? I am also a crea
    tive who has let my dreams die and have had problems doing my dreams while being a flight attendant because because I can't get a rhythm.

  2. I love how honest you are. I've suffered from anxiety and chronic depersonalisation for 13 years, I love to travel the world. Every trip is so so difficult.

  3. Hello I would like to ask you would you recommend someone like me who is planning to go for the first time on a 4 hour flight with depersonalization, anxiety, sometimes panic attacks, a little fear all alone without any support from anyone I know or love? Im 22 and Im about to graduate college(which has been stessful/hell on earth) this May …Please let me know what you think about this…

  4. Hey all.
    I suffer quite a bit from travel anxiety as well so I made videos for myself to remind me what an amazing time I had in all the different wonderful places I had been to. I started uploading them to youtube so that I could show them to family and friends but also to show other people that anxiety doesn't have to stop you having an amazing time! Hopefully you won't be able to notice in each video at what points I was suffering inside!

  5. I really appreciate the fact that you take time for making this video, I have been struggling with the same anxiety for a long time and I am a little ashame to go to the doctor, I feel she is going to tell me to breath and do yoga and that stuff that I already tried, I guess I am scared no body understands how bad this is. 

  6. Thanks for making all these videos. Been struggling with the same issues you have for a really long time. I enjoy every video you make. It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there that feels this way.

  7. Do you ever get checked for BP?

  8. Noah — It's pretty crazy watching your channel, because you and I suffer from a lot of the same symptoms. I talked to a Doc and a Psychologist about the travel anxiety, and they told me that your body really suffers during such anxiety attacks and it's hard miles to put on the body. They prescribed Xanax for me, and I usually take 2 X .5's of Xanax to fly, which really allows me to sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. It's the only time I really need to use it, and it solves the prob.

  9. Good on ya for taking the time to put on video something many people experience on the regular.

    If you are feeling down and need a kick start to shift your hard times check out (at)growthguided

  10. Спецы они хорошие, Вивитрол по габаритам сравнивать…

  11. Well I appreciate the feedback and positive re enforcement. This channel and the people who are apart of it mean allot to me and I would spend even more time if I had it! I am well over due to make a video regarding anxiety and will make a point of getting on that. Take care.

  12. Awesome my man!! I honestly just finished responding to your last comment but am so glad to then read this one. Ups and downs are just part of the game. Glad to know you are up right now!! May it continue.

  13. Great comment Kelly. Me too apparently!! As a woman, what types of videos would you want from this channel?? Thanks for your kind words and hope all is well.

  14. Being on T does not just take away all the ups and downs but it time it will lessen the dramatic shift in mood and feelings. This is my experience so far. I still have hard days and it makes me question things. The key is to try and objectively look at how you have been doing in general compared to before T. Hang in there bro!!! EAT EAT AND EAT SOME MORE.

  15. Thank you so much for the kind words and the great insight!! I really appreciate it and agree with what you said.

  16. I truly feel that nothing is so much damaged as it is ….lets say…disrupted. Everything will be ok my friend. Hang in there with the mental fogginess. It can be very upsetting!! One day at a time.

  17. I have been thinking about supplementing with DHEA as well. Keep me posted on that and I am glad you think the cyp is a little better. I still feel a little off even after all the progress I have made so stay patient my friend. Keep fighting!!!

  18. I agree and thanks so much for the comment.

  19. Thank you for the kind words.

  20. This is something I have been meaning to do a video on and will soon. It's a long winded answer but it comes over you very slowly and then one day you realized you might be doing a little better. Then weeks and months pass by and all the things you were not so sure of become more obvious like energy improvements, mood, libido ect. It was very subtle for me and took many months. I still feel like I am slowly getting better. You know when you know. The key is to not obsess on it and be strong.

  21. I am doing better now, I guess it was just getting the test cyp in my system. I really think I was taking doses that were to big. When I slowly dropped my dose from 70 60 then 50mg Thursday morning and Sunday night things are leveling out more. I'm feeling better on smaller more frequent sub q dosing. Some say less is more and I believe it.

  22. bro I've kind of noticed that there are times when i feel really great and can see the testosterone working! and other times i just feel like shit and its goes on for couple weeks till i start feeling good and energetic again… idk maybe it's time i check my blood again..and gaining weight seems to be a problem for me, cant gain weight…

  23. Recovery comes through facing the fears (symptoms) and floating through them. Repetition is the key. If you have the funds, maybe try and take a small, cheap weekend vacay once a month. The destination doesn't matter. (The less popular, the less money) (Vegas would be expensive, St. Louis… not so much) It's just to get used to traveling. And when you do get over those initial symptoms, a change of scenery can be very refreshing. Keep up the good work! The vids are great!

  24. i tried hcg diet and afterwords it caused me to have mental fogginess, going to test my levels tomorrow, very healthy guy but this is all new to me, and it's very scary to know that i could of damamged myself for a dumb diet. I'll keep you posted noah, thanks for this channel will be here to talk and help support your channel, keep this going!! JC

  25. I have just switched from HCG to test TRT and have been experiencing the same things as you. I feel the test cyp treatment is better but something is off. I just started supplementing with DHEA, it has helped a little. I think I need a better doc that will dig a little for me. If you find out what's causing your problems please let us know, Thanks.

  26. plus nice video and your helping alot of people jsut to let you know !!

  27. how do you know if your recovering ?

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